Mata Kimi Ni Koishiteru
27 December 2010
Well, Christmas is over for another year. I would like to say 'good riddance' but, rather surprisingly, I quite enjoyed it this year. Normally I would spend Christmas Day all alone and wishing I could hibernate until Spring. However, this year the gods must have been feeling quite generous. I was invited to a Christmas party by some Korean friends. I don't usually like going to parties as they're rather loud and obnoxious affairs at the best of times, but this was more like a gathering of friends than a party so I decided to go along. We all made some food and had a Christmas meal together. Was quite possibly the strangest Christmas dinner I have ever had but it was also quite possibly the most enjoyable as well.
After dinner we spent the rest of the night messing around with fruit and talking about various philosophical topics in broken Japanese. I'm glad I've managed to find some kind and generous friends in the short time I have been in Japan. I can quite safely say that this country has the most friendly people I have ever met. It's taken awhile, but I think I can say I'm beginning feel glad that I'm in Japan. Thinking about it, it's already been three months since I left the UK. I'm already about 25% of the way through my year abroad, yet it feels like it has only just started in earnest. I'm looking forward to being able to really make the most of my time here when 2011 arrives.
Posted byHocchan at 8:41 am 0 comments
Merry Christmas, Deshou?
24 December 2010
Here's to a very lonely Christmas! Hope everyone is going to have a very merry Christmas! Please celebrate for me as well, as I won't be able to enjoy it very much this year.
Posted byHocchan at 3:00 pm 0 comments
Out-of-Date
23 December 2010
The information in the sidebars is so hopelessly out-of-date that it's rather embarrassing to look at. I'll have to update them as soon as possible. Tomorrow... can't be arsed right now ^^
Posted byHocchan at 1:45 pm 0 comments
Ame Futte Ji Katamaru
As Jill Valentine once said in Resident Evil 3: Nemesis, 'I'm still alive'. Although, there were a few times during these past couple of months when I wished I wasn't. I'm not going to lie; life has been challenging, nay, gruelling since my break up in November. I was seriously contemplating jacking it all in and returning to the UK back then. I owe everything to my amazing friends who kept me going through that tough period with their words of comfort and encouragement. If it wasn't for them, I can say with certainty that I would be back in miserable, dreary England right now with no future prospects. But instead, thanks to them, I'm still here in Japan, fighting and slowly remembering what I'd been working for all these years. I'm not fully recovered yet, though, that's going to take a bit longer. I've made mistakes that I wish I hadn't, and I'm regretting ever having been so weak-willed and cowardly to allow them to happen. I'm really going to have to work really hard next year to atone for all the bad things I've done to people this year. Rest assured, I will become a better person.
With only two days until Christmas and nine days until 2011, I'm beginning to look back on 2010 and review the last twelve months. Like those proverbial football matches, this year really has been a 'game of two halves'. For the first half, life really couldn't have been much better. I was in a happy relationship, I was on my way to Japan, and I was enjoying each day that came. However, things really turned to shit during the second half of the year. My relationship was in trouble, I was miserable, and I was wishing I was somewhere else a lot of the time. To be perfectly honest, I can't wait for midnight on the 31st December to tick around so I can resign this year into the annals of history. I'm looking forward to being able to make a fresh start in 2011 and being able to recover even a small piece of that happiness that was so cruelly torn from me. Not long to go now, just got to hold on for a little longer. Wish me luck!
Posted byHocchan at 12:49 pm 0 comments
Day 47 - Losing The Battle
31 October 2010
Things are not good at the moment. I'm feeling the worst I've been since I arrived in Japan. This last week has been pretty shitty to say the least. It had all been looking quite good up until last Monday. I'd gone to visit my girlfriend for her birthday and we had a really enjoyable time together. But as soon as I left and returned back to Yamaguchi university my mood suddenly plummeted and I found myself getting really depressed again. I don't know what it is exactly that's making me so unhappy. I believe it might have something to do with the sudden separation from my girlfriend again. Having had such a good time over the weekend it must have hit me that I'm not going to see her again for at least another month. It's kind of like the trough after the massive peak. I hope I'm going to be able to recover from this current spell of depression. My fighting spirit has well and truly been extinguished and I'm finding myself floating around in the doldrums of despair.
I should be happy, I know that. I'm in Japan; the place I've wanted to be in for years. But things haven't turned out as I expected. Yamaguchi is not the image I had of Japan, and the fact that I'm now in a relationship but separated from her by hundreds of miles is killing me inside. Had I been single I don't think I would be having so many problems right now. But that's not to say that I wish we weren't together. I love my girlfriend (perhaps too much sometimes) and I wouldn't want to be without her. It's just that, at the moment, I can't help but look forward to next August when I'll be able to go back home. I'm constantly looking forward to the near future and wishing the days and weeks would pass quicker. It's only been just over a month since I've arrived so there's time for my feelings to change. But at the moment the future isn't looking too bright...
Posted byHocchan at 6:15 am 0 comments
I Hate That Bastard!
25 October 2010
I really, really do!
Posted byHocchan at 6:09 am 0 comments
Day 24 - The Trenches
08 October 2010
The situation has become like the long, drawn-out trench warfare of World War I. Every day there seems to be a new enemy to fight. And every day is an uphill struggle to avoid falling into the pits of despair again. I don’t know why it’s become like this again. It was all going so well only a week or so ago. But recently it seems to be getting a lot tougher to keep my spirits up. While I still have enjoyable moments throughout each day, whenever there’s a lull in proceedings I tend to feel a sense of uneasiness wash over me. And no matter how much I keep trying to tell myself that it’s only a temporary spell, I can’t help but worry that it’s becoming more frequent and more tangible with each occurrence. I fear that I may be turning back into the person I swore I would not become ever again. If that happened then I would lose everything I’ve worked so hard for, and that’s probably the biggest demon I face right now – the fear of returning to a state of depressive paranoia.
The war is by no means lost, however, I still have plenty of fighting spirit left in me. I have the determination and the willpower to overcome this obstacle. I’m not going to let all that’s precious to me slip out of my grasp again. I refuse to be beaten. I will succeed. I will be happy.
Posted byHocchan at 10:14 pm 0 comments
Day 19 - The Tide Is Turning
04 October 2010
It's been awhile since I've written a status report. It's partly due to the lack of internet in my room and partly due to the fact that there have been a lot of things to do since arriving in Japan. Unfortunately, it seems as though it’s going to take a little bit longer until I get internet in my room. There seems to be some sort of problem with my application but I’m not entirely sure what that problem is. They’ve told me to call them but I’m not very confident about being able to understand what they’ll say if it’s something technical. I might have to get someone to help make the call for me. Why can’t anything ever be simple? *sigh*
That last sigh brings me onto the current status of my psyche. While it’s been fairly good for the last week or so, I’ve noticed that the negative thoughts are slowly, but surely, creeping back into my head again. It feels like the tides of war are turning, and not in my favour. It’s not that I’m letting them control my actions again. It’s just that it seems to take a lot more effort to remain positive and dispel the negative thoughts from my head. It gets very tiring after a while if you constantly have to cheer yourself up. I’m feeling despondent at times, even though I shouldn’t be. I’m fighting it, I really am. But it’s a war of attrition at the moment…
Posted byHocchan at 8:53 pm 0 comments
I Really Don't Like Ube/Yamaguchi
27 September 2010
I don’t have an internet connection at the moment but I’m going to write this now so I can see if my opinion has changed by the time I publish it. I arrived at my university in Yamaguchi a few hours ago. Although it was a really nice, sunny day when I set off from Nagoya, by the time I reached Okayama it had begun to go cloudy. And by the time I arrived in Yamaguchi it was pissing it down. The rain seemed to get heavier as I rode on the local train to my destination too. It wasn’t exactly the most reassuring of welcomes… The countryside was really mountainous and full of rice fields. Dotted throughout the landscape were small, traditional Japanese houses, which I assume would have looked very picturesque had it not been pissing it down all over the place. Every now and again there would be a few more built-up areas that seemed to have some large stores. But it was nothing like Nagoya.
I think I may have inadvertently created a culture shock for myself by visiting a big city like Nagoya as soon as I arrived in Japan. The place where I am at now is nothing like that. It’s most definitely more on the rural side of Japan, and even though it’s classified as a city, it doesn’t really feel like one in most places. I haven’t had any time to explore the area yet (what with the rain and the lack of daylight) but there doesn’t seem to be very much around. There does appear to be a few large supermarkets near the campus, though, so that’s not too bad. And there’s even a Uniqlo here, if this map is to be believed. Any place that has a Uniqlo can’t be too bad; although I can’t imagine the shop being very big…
I think the biggest disappointment has to be my room. While I got my wish and ended up on the second floor (third if you use Japanese/American system), the quality of the accommodation is really poor. I know the rent is really cheap (not that cheap once you add all the utility bills onto it, though) but it should be a bit better than it is. The furniture that they’ve given me is really old and dirty, and the bathroom is tiny and doesn’t even have a proper shower basin. And the worst part is there are tons of little cockroaches and beetles crawling out of every little crevice. I’ve already vacuumed up about 30 of the bastards since arriving, but I think there are loads more hiding somewhere. I’m going to have to see if I can get some traps or something for them.
I’m not sure how long it will take for me to get an internet connection in my room, but it seems like it will take the best part of this week at least to set everything up. I’m told that there are computers to use in the library that’s on the campus but I can’t go in until I’ve made my library card. I’m supposed to be heading into the city tomorrow to register for my alien card, open a bank account, and register for the health insurance. I’ve also been given a bike to use (I say given, I had to pay for it) but if it’s raining again tomorrow I doubt I’ll be able to use it yet. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get a prepaid mobile phone in the next couple of days so I can at least e-mail my girlfriend without needing an internet connection. I’ll see how it goes. Right now I’m tired from today’s travelling and the shock, so I’m going to bed.
Posted byHocchan at 9:48 pm 0 comments
Day 3 - Onwards And Upwards
19 September 2010
Things have been going quite well. I'm still feeling very upbeat and confident about my life. I've been putting a lot of effort into making the most of each day. I'm slowly getting towards where I want to be. The will to fight for what I wish for is still burning in my heart, and I'm going to keep that flame alive forever. Meanwhile, the excitement about going to Japan is beginning to creep up on me, slowly but surely. I don't think it will reach full power until I'm actually on my way to the airport, though. At which point, I'll know that the moment has arrived and that there's no turning back; the moment that I've been waiting for for two years. I'm slightly nervous about leaving the country for a whole year, but I'm also equally excited about the new possibilities that may present themselves in Japan. The thing I'm most looking forward to, though, is the chance to see my girlfriend in Nagoya ^^. I'm really looking forward to the moment when I'll be able to hold her in my arms again. I can't wait until that day!
Posted byHocchan at 11:39 pm 0 comments
Day 1 - A New Hope
17 September 2010
Today has been the most enjoyable and relaxing day for a long time. While there are still some worries and fears in my mind, they're not popping up in my thoughts anywhere as often as they did before. And more importantly, I'm now refusing to let them control my life. I refuse to be a slave to my negativity and irrational thoughts and behaviours anymore. I'm going to show them that I'm a strong person and I can beat this. I will succeed, there's no other outcome in my eyes. I know it's going to take time to fully recover from this debilitating unhappiness that has plagued me for so long, but I'm taking each day as it comes. And I know, if I put 100% of my effort into moving on everyday, then I'll eventually become a better person for it. And I'll be happy. I'm doing this for myself, and also for the person I love. I want them to see the real me, the person who they fell in love with originally. I will succeed! Zettai katsu! Rooooooooar!
Posted byHocchan at 11:53 pm 0 comments
Making A Wish Come True
I had a bit of an epiphany this morning while I was sleeping. When I woke up I suddenly realised what was important. That it's all well and good wishing for things to turn out alright. But in order to give the wish the best chance of coming true, you have to actually get up off your backside and put 100% of your effort and energy into making it happen. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fight til my last breath from now on. That's a promise to myself.
Posted byHocchan at 5:14 pm 0 comments
Making A Wish
16 September 2010
Wishing with all my soul that things are going to be alright. Please be OK.
Posted byHocchan at 8:54 pm 0 comments
Le Sigh... Part 4
12 September 2010
And so it continues. I really thought I was finally getting somewhere last night but today it's gone downhill again. It's such a shame because I was hoping that I was going to be able to have a much better day today. I had high hopes for today when I went to bed last night but it seems like they were premature. Is it really all my fault? I really can't tell anymore. I've been in the same state of mind for so long now I don't know what's normal anymore. All I know is that I'm continuing to feel depressed for whatever reason. There are times when I do cheer up but these tend to be for a short period of time and are few and far between. I've tried my best, I really have. But it feels as though all my efforts have been rather futile at the moment since I'm not receiving the support I need. I can't do this on my own...
Posted byHocchan at 5:12 pm 0 comments
Self-Inflicted Injuries
11 September 2010
Gah! Why do I keep doing this to myself? I know it's going to make me upset but I can't stop myself from looking at Facebook photos. I've gone and made myself unhappy now by doing that... I'm such an idiot. It's such a horrible catch-22 situation though. If I do look at them then I make myself depressed. If I don't look at them then I just imagine the worst possible things that my mind can make up, no matter how unlikely they are. I think my mind just loves to torment me with upsetting scenarios. Plus I have an insatiable need to know what's going on all the time. Otherwise I'll feel like I'm left out of the loop. But then when I do know what's going on, it turns out that I actually am left out of the loop anyway. So either way, I end up feeling like shit. Fuck my shitty little life...
Posted byHocchan at 9:33 pm 0 comments
Le Sigh... Part 3
Apart from a few brief moments before bed last night and again earlier this afternoon, I've yet to get over the debilitating depression that has gripped hold of me recently. It seems like I spend 90% of the day feeling like crap, and the other 10% is spent trying to take my mind off the depression (usually unsuccessfully). What's worse is that the person who I most wish would take notice of my pain seems oblivious to my suffering. This in itself makes my depression worse when I think about it. And I'm always thinking about it. I can't seem to stop myself from constantly having depressing or negative thoughts. It's even gotten to the stage where I feel the depression physically in my chest. It feels like there's a huge weight pressing down on me. And my sleep pattern has been totally messed up. I spend most of the day feeling exhausted and sleepy, but when I try to sleep I end up waking up every few hours. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. I don't think that is helping the situation.
I still don't know what is causing this horrible feeling of unhappiness. At least not exactly. I have a general idea of what it is but I can't tell whether my judgement is being clouded by the depression. I really wish there was some way to solve this problem but I just can't see it. It would help if the most important person in my life would lend me some assistance. But it just doesn't seem to be happening at the moment. So I end up feeling all alone, completely forgotten about. I don't think I've been this unhappy for many years.
Posted byHocchan at 5:53 pm 3 comments
Captain's Log: Stardate Something Something
09 September 2010
Things haven't really gotten much better. In fact they might have even gotten a little worse. I've now resorted to hiding any news that involves seeing photos on my Facebook News Feed reel. It might be a little extreme but I really can't cope with seeing any more photos. It kills me inside everytime I do. I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't see it getting any better in the near future. At least not until I go to Japan in just under two weeks. What's even worse is that I haven't even spoken to my girlfriend in quite a while. Fuck my life...
Posted byHocchan at 4:16 pm 0 comments
Psychoanalytical
08 September 2010
It's time for another self-diagnosis psychiatry session. I tend to do these a lot when I want to find out exactly what's troubling me. I don't know if they actually help or not but it seems to be a helpful way of relieving the depression for a little while. I tend to think about things in my head constantly. I find it very hard to actually switch off and not think about anything. I'm always trying to go through itineraries for future events, or go over past events trying to find reasons for things or wondering what I could have done differently. Often it can lead to some rather frustrating thoughts. Plus it really doesn't help me get to sleep at night when my mind is constantly whirring away.
Anyway, time for the self-diagnosis. I've been trying to figure out why I get so unhappy when I see photos of my girlfriend in Japan on Facebook. From what I can figure out, it seems to be because by seeing these photos it reminds me everytime of the fact that, for a whole year or more, I'm not going to be able to share these moments with her. Mainly due to the distance between us and our schedules, but also because the stupid place that she's staying at has such dickish rules. When I see any pictures of her looking happy it dawns on me that I'm not there to see that or experience it with her. And that really kills me inside. It makes me jealous of all the people who are there to see all these moments, and it makes me depressed because I feel left out. I would say those are the reasons that I get so unhappy.
Unfortunately, I don't really see how I can solve this problem. I can't really change anything the situation. The only thing I can do is try to stop myself from having these negative thoughts and feelings. But that is no easy task. And my attempt at staying away from Facebook didn't last very long at all. I simply cannot stay away from there because, even though it makes me unhappy, I still want to see what's going on in her life. It's a horrible lose/lose predicament I find myself in. I just hope that I'll be able to resolve it soon and finally be at peace for the first time in weeks.
Posted byHocchan at 5:48 pm 0 comments
Le Sigh... Part 2
07 September 2010
Well, I'm not angry anymore. But that doesn't mean I've very happy. The anger has been replaced with depression and general feelings of melancholy. I don't know why things always seem to descend into the pits of despair so quickly for me. It must be a psychological thing. As a result, I've decided to attempt to stop looking at Facebook for the next few days. I don't know how long this endeavour will actually last but it's something I think I need to do. Because, you see, some of the problems actually stem from Facebook itself. The reason being that I'm one of the last people from my course to actually go to Japan. 90% of the class have already been in Japan for about a week and they're having lots of fun (obviously). This includes my girlfriend. The problem arises when they post their photos of Japan on Facebook. It's stupid to hear myself say this, but when I keep getting bombarded with pictures of everyone having fun, while I'm stuck here in rainy UK doing not very much it kind of makes me angry/depressed. I think I'm jealous of them for having fun while I'm not able to join in.
I know that it's a stupid thing to feel, but it's not exactly like I can help what I feel. The worst part is being apart from my girlfriend while she's thousands of miles away, having a lot of fun without me. It makes me feel so left out. I often wonder what I've done to deserve all this unhappiness. All I can attempt to do is to forget about everything for awhile and concentrate of something else for a change. Maybe in time I'll be able to come to terms with everything that's making me unhappy. I really, really wish I was in Japan right now though...but alas I don't leave for another 15 days.
Posted byHocchan at 3:30 pm 0 comments
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!
06 September 2010
Yeah, still angry...
Posted byHocchan at 8:43 pm 0 comments
Fuuuuuuuu-House
I think this image illustrates my feelings towards the International SHIT House at Nagoya University of Foreign Studies right about now...
Posted byHocchan at 3:59 pm 0 comments
Neuroticism
I had never fully understood the definition of 'neuroticism' until today when I decided to look it up. I had a sneaky suspicion that I would have some aspects of it in my personality but I never expected it to be a completely accurate depiction of what I'm like. It was as though they'd based their definition of the word on me. Everything trait of neuroticism was something I could identify with. From the constant feelings of depression and anxiety, to the borderline obsessive-complusive behaviour, they were all to be found in my personality. So I guess that makes me a neurotic? I don't know if that's the term. But it's not exactly a pleasing discovery (even though I had kind of expected it - which in itself is sort of neurotic).
I have no idea why I'm such a classic case of neuroticism. I don't know where it stems from. Could be why I always focus on the crap stuff that has happened in my life, rather than the good things. Though I swear, in my head, the number of majorly bad things far outnumber the number of good things that have happened. But maybe that's just my neuroticism clouding my judgement and making me biased. I don't know if there's any way to fix this personality problem. It's not quite as easy as saying 'don't worry, be happy' and expecting life to be sunshine and rainbows. I do wish I had the ability to stop worrying about things so much and to stop expecting the worst in everything. But it's difficult (there comes that negativity again). Sigh...
Posted byHocchan at 12:07 am 0 comments
99.9% Of Bacteria
04 September 2010
I've noticed an annoying trend recently with television adverts. There seems to be an obsession with getting rid of "99.9% of bacteria" in almost every product. And from the way they present it you'd think that you'd die a horrible, crippling death from these 'dangerous' bacteria if you didn't buy their products. There's one advert for some washing powder that has bacteria-killing action in it (99.9% of them). Seriously, what the fuck? Unless you're trying to launder the contents of a sterile room in a hospital, why the hell would you need to kill bacteria on your clothes (not that there's much to begin with). How have people survived until now with just normal washing powder if this product is so important? The answer: it's not required at all. It's a completely bullshit product.
There's another one for anti-bacterial wipes that's used to clean surfaces. Now I'm all for keeping surfaces clean, especially if they're used for food preparation. But seriously, in the advert they have someone eating food from the surface. Who would do that? Use a fucking plate! That way you won't give yourself food poisoning, and you won't need to use that product as much, if at all. And why is it that everything can only kill 99.9% of bacteria? You might as well say 100% of bacteria. Is it really 99.9%? Has anyone actually checked? Such bullcrap.
Posted byHocchan at 9:30 pm 0 comments
Calm Down, Dear!
Phew! Now that that small (massive) irritation is out of the way for the time being, I'll try and write a more constructive post. Not that anything's been solved by venting my frustrations on the blog, but at least it's taken my mind of the matter for a short period of time. That should give me a brief respite to calm down (dear) and think of a solution to the uber-crap situation I now find myself in. In the meantime though, I suppose it would be a good idea to update the current situation regarding the year abroad in Japan. I've finally heard from Yamaguchi University and they sent me my Certificate of Eligibility, as well as some other information regarding accommodation and stuff, in the post. I can't tell you how good it was to actually receive this stuff in the post. After months of anguish and torment, my nightmare was finally over. I could, at last, book my flights and begin preparations. Having gotten my Certificate of Eligibility, I recently went down to London to get my student visa from the Japanese Embassy.
The train tickets down to London were a rip-off. Cost me just under £100 altogether. And for that money, I got a seat on a train that was cramped and 45 mins late there, and 10 minutes late back. Shitty trains are so shitty in the UK. Thanks to the train being so late I wasn't able to spend as long as I would have liked in London. I spent about 30 mins in the Underground trying to buy tickets, then I went straight to the Japanese embassy and got my visa application sorted. Then I decided to go through Green Park and take a look at Buckingham Palace since it was so close. After that I had just over an hour to head down to the Japan Centre and buy some lunch, then head over to Uniqlo and buy a t-shirt. I didn't have time for anything else after that so I just headed back to the train station via the Underground. I don't know if people who have to use the Underground everyday during rush hour share the same opinion, but I found the experience to be very enjoyable. The speed and convenience of the system is very nice, and I liked the feeling of navigating the tunnels as I went from station to station. It was kind of warm down there though, that was the only thing. They could do with some air conditioning in there or something.
After waiting a few days my visa arrived in the post this morning, as they had said it would. I don't know why the photo they've used for the visa turned out so dark though. The photo that I gave them was fine. Maybe they have a shitty scanner or something? In any case, I'm all sorted now for Japan. I have my visa, my accommodation, my plane ticket, and very soon I'll be packing my stuff. There's still some crap to sort out thanks to SHIT-house, but one step at a time.
Posted byHocchan at 6:33 pm 0 comments
Fuck You, Nagoya!
WARNING!! Extreme profanities are in the following post. Reader discretion is advised. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Not all of Nagoya, mind, but rather just a small part of it. Namely the fucking shitty piece of shitty-shit that is the International House at Nagoya University of Foreign Studies. Thanks to their tossing whorebag cocking ridiculous rules about visitors, my plans to visit Nagoya are now completely fucked up the backside with a rusty mace. My original plan had been to set off for Japan on the 22nd September, arriving on the 23rd, to spend a few days with my girlfriend in Nagoya before heading down to Ube in Yamaguchi. However, it now turns out that the stupid fucking piece of wank I-House will not even allow visitors to even step into people's rooms, nevermind actually stay there for the night. What kind of fucked up shit is that exactly? What do they expect me to do, completely destroy the place? Spread an infectious disease that wipes out the population of Nagoya? Just what the fucking-fuck is the point of that dicking rule? If you couldn't already tell, I'm pretty angry about this. Not only does it mean that I'll no longer be able to spend as long with my girlfriend as I would have liked, it also means that I'm going to have to spend more money renting a hotel room for the 4 nights that I'm going to be there.
But that's not the end of the bullshit, oh no! There's further steaming piles of putrid horse crap about to splatter at 100mph into my face. As a result of an utterly piss-poor wifi connection at the SHIT-House (might as well be called that), it means that my girlfriend has to go downstairs, into the public area just to be able to connect to the internet. Yeah, it'll be really nice to have a nice private conversation with her when there are a hundred faggots running around the place, looking at our conversation. And that's even if she does bother to come all the way downstairs to spend maybe 10-15 minutes talking to me. There goes the chance to actually have some meaningful communication with her whilst we're hundreds (thousands at the moment) of miles away from each other. Thanks, SHIT-House, thanks for trying to fuck up my relationship with your cock-shit rules. Bastards. Twats. Mother-fucking wankers. Go fuck yourselves, you utter wank-baskets.
Posted byHocchan at 4:29 pm 0 comments
It Was Your Bloody Fault!
14 July 2010
Success! I can now buy things online again! My replacement debit card arrived in the post today and it was accepted by Amazon. It turns out that the problem of not being able to use my Visa Electron card online was isolated to my old card. I don't think I'll ever be able to find out why it suddenly decided it wouldn't work, but I don't really care anymore. At least I now know that Halifax were the ones at fault after all. My new card is practically the same as the old one and yet it was accepted with no problems at all. So screw you, Halifax, you lying bunch of halfwits, it was clearly your fault. Try listening to your customers next time instead of trying to fob me off with a shitty excuse!
Posted byHocchan at 10:17 pm 2 comments
It's Not Our Fault, Honest!
13 July 2010
I called the bank again today about my Visa Electron card problem but the matter still hasn't been resolved. This time, because I'd ordered a new card yesterday, they were trying to blame it on that. I had to repeatedly tell them that this problem existed way before I ordered a new card. However, they also told me that because I'd ordered a new card, the expiry date on my current card had changed. They told me to try it again with the new expiry date and see if that worked. It didn't, no surprise there. I asked them once again to make sure there wasn't a problem with my account or a block on the card. They said there was absolutely nothing wrong. I would have argued further but it seems like they've already sent my new card out by First Class post so it should arrive in the next couple of days. I decided to wait for that to arrive and see if the problem continues.
Meanwhile, just in case I am stuck with a Visa Electron card that won't work online, I've decided to apply for a Lloyds TSB account. Unlike Halifax's basic account, they offer a proper Visa Debit card rather than a Visa Electron card. The only drawback is that I'm only allowed to withdraw cash from a Lloyds TSB cash machine, but on the plus side I am allowed to use the branch counters to pay in money (unlike Halifax if it's less than £300). If my application is successful, I may turn the Lloyds TSB account into my main one, and just have the Halifax account as a back up. I haven't heard from them yet so I'll have to wait and see.
Posted byHocchan at 6:49 pm 0 comments
Work, Damn You!
Just a quick update about my Visa Electron card. It's still not working for online purchases (which is a major pain in the arse as I do a lot of online shopping) but it works when I use chip-and-pin in shops. I went into the bank today but they tried to fob me off with the usual "Oh, it's because Electron isn't that widely accepted, blah blah blah..." bullshit. If it's not that widely accepted then why the hell have I had no problems buying stuff online for the past two years?! It's only been in the last week or so that the card has been getting declined. I need to be able to use the card to buy things from the internet. It's just crippling not being able to use my card. It's right when I need to buy some stuff too. It's so irritating, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?
Ahem! Anyway... I asked them to provide me with a new card. Unfortunately, it's got to be another Electron card but hopefully it'll sort out whatever dickery has befallen my current one. If not, then I don't know what I'm going to do. The internet is just a much better place for buying things that aren't groceries or everyday stuff. I don't know how I'll manage if I'm not able to buy anything online. I hope it won't come to that.
PS. Royal Bank of Scotland is to blame for all this bullshit!
Posted byHocchan at 1:45 am 0 comments
It's Not Hip-Hop, It's Electro(n), Prick!
11 July 2010
I feel much better after writing that last update. It seems like writing all my worries and anxieties down has helped me to deal with them. Previously I had been bottling it all up inside and that had made me feel awful. It really does seem as though this blog's only purpose at the moment is a place for me to vent my frustrations. With that in mind, I'm going to write about another thing that has been annoying the hell out of me lately - my Visa Electron card.
A few days ago I tried to buy a Dell Studio laptop for someone using my Electron card. The site said that they didn't take Electron but I thought I'd give it a go anyway (from past experience it usually works). But for some reason it got declined. I spoke to a representative from Dell who tried to use the card again but got declined once more. It was definitely not because I didn't have enough money in the account, I had the online banking webpage right in front on me. Eventually I managed to pay Dell by arranging a bank transfer instead. I thought nothing more of the incident until a few days later my card was declined by another online retailer. I tried several times but each time the card kept getting declined. Once again it wasn't because I had insufficient funds. And the retailer did accept Electron cards. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't the retailer's fault so I tried to order something from Amazon. I'd used the same card to pay for many items from Amazon in the past. There was even a purchase a couple of weeks ago that went through fine. But this time the card was declined.
I didn't know what the hell was going on so I phoned the bank asking them if there was some sort of problem with my card. I was informed that there was nothing wrong with the card and that it must be the online retailer's system. But surely it can't be getting declined at several different retailers for the same system error? I decided to test my card in the shops at a chip and pin device and, lo and behold, it worked no problem at all. It seems as though there's a problem with the internet purchases only. I'm going to have to go down to the bank on Monday and get it sorted out, once and for all. I don't see what the problem could be. If there's nothing wrong with the card, why is it getting repeatedly declined at an online retailer that has accepted it many times before? It just doesn't make any sense!
Posted byHocchan at 4:28 pm 0 comments
Ichiban no Takaramono
It's been awhile since I've written anything on this blog. I suppose if you look at it positively, it was due to the fact that I was enjoying university life so much that I didn't have time to update. However, I think it was more likely to be down to my laziness... but that's not to say that I wasn't enjoying myself these last six months. In fact there have been a lot of developments since my last update. I've managed to attain three out of the five items that were in my wish list (I'd better update that) for a start. I've also managed to complete my second year at university with some fairly decent grades (although I would have liked them to have been slightly better). I'm even in a relationship with an amazingly beautiful and wonderful person. Life should be absolutely fantastic... shouldn't it? Unfortunately, things aren't quite as satisfactory as they should be.
Over the last couple of months there have been some rather unwanted developments that have put a dampener on things. It was only one at first but then another thing came up, then another, and it all kind of snowballed into one big lump of arse-turd from there. I don't even know where to start. I guess from the chronological beginning is the best place. The first unhappy event was probably one of the things that had the biggest effect on the enjoyment of my life. This was finding out that I had been selected to go to Yamaguchi University for my year abroad in Japan. At the time, this was the worst possible thing that could have happened. That university was my last choice out of six. If there had only been five choices I would not have picked Yamaguchi University. I would have been happy with ANY of the other five universities on my list. It seems that fate has a particular fondness for fucking up my life just when it starts to get good.
It took a little while but I finally managed to look on the positive side of things and be able to look forward to going on my year abroad again. However, just as things were about to get back on track I ran into another problem. It seemed that my panic attack problem (at least I think that's what it is) came back with a vengeance. I've always had some sort of health problem since I was about twelve years old whereby I would feel sick in stressful situations. It wasn't a normal type of nausea though, it only affected my the back of my throat. It would typically appear if I began to panic, though it could also happen suddenly and without warning. The fear of it happening (and the possible embarrassment of people seeing me feeling sick or panicking) would also trigger it and make it worse. It became a vicious circle. It completely ruined my life. I became afraid of going anywhere or being in 'inescapable' situations. But every few years it would disappear and I could begin to rebuild my life. From about the age of about nineteen it had almost completely disappeared. I even managed to make it into university and enjoy a couple of worry-free years there.
However, in the last few months I've found that it's come back. And it's already interfering with my life in a big way. I've reverted back to the person I was in my early teens, where I would be anxious about travelling long distances for fear of my panic attack coming back. This has begun to put pressure on my relationship as it means I'm reluctant to travel anywhere to meet my girlfriend. It's not like I don't want to, but the fear and anxiety stops me. I don't know how I'm going to survive the flight to Japan (if I get to go, but more on that bit later) or even the journey down to London to get my visa. I'm praying that it'll go away soon and I can get back to normal. But if it doesn't I'm going to have to try and find a way to cope with this old menace.
The next problem that came up kind of triggered a load of smaller worries that have stressed me out and generally made me miserable. It goes back to Yamaguchi University and their disorganisation and lack of communication. I completed my application forms and sent all the documents they required a couple of weeks before the deadline. I didn't expect there to be any problems. However, after a few weeks of waiting I received word that they required an additional document to prove my ability to fund myself when I'm in Japan. I had already included a letter from the Student Loans Company that stated how much I would receive next year. But for whatever reason they kept telling me that I needed to send them a bank statement, completely ignoring everything I told them. It wasn't until only a couple of weeks ago that they realised what the Student Loans Company letter was for. They've only just begun to apply for my Certificate of Eligibility (the document from the Japanese government that allows me to apply for a visa). But from the way they've worded their correspondence, there's a chance that it may be rejected.
To makes matters worse, I won't be getting a scholarship at Yamaguchi University when almost all of my classmates will be. The delay in processing my application has also meant that I don't even know if I'm able to go to Japan yet, so I can't book flights or get my visa. I can't sort anything out until I know if I'm going, and when I have to be there by. It's been really stressful and irritating. Meanwhile, everyone around me has pretty much finished their preparations. This includes my girlfriend, who is going to a university about 400 miles away (which doesn't help). I'm very ashamed to say this, but I'm beginning to feel jealous of her. I really wish that I wasn't in this situation. I wish that I was going to a different university, one that would have told me everything by now. I could have booked my flights, got my visa, and sorted everything out by now. If only it wasn't Yamaguchi University that I was selected for!
Long story short, I've basically been completely and utterly screwed over just because I've been chosen to go to Yamaguchi University. I've been caused undue stress and worry just because they couldn't be bothered to keep me informed (despite my constant e-mails). I hate them. I've built up a great resentment to Yamaguchi University for ruining my life. Ruining my dream of going abroad to Japan. I hate them.
Posted byHocchan at 1:05 am 0 comments
