Day 47 - Losing The Battle
31 October 2010
Things are not good at the moment. I'm feeling the worst I've been since I arrived in Japan. This last week has been pretty shitty to say the least. It had all been looking quite good up until last Monday. I'd gone to visit my girlfriend for her birthday and we had a really enjoyable time together. But as soon as I left and returned back to Yamaguchi university my mood suddenly plummeted and I found myself getting really depressed again. I don't know what it is exactly that's making me so unhappy. I believe it might have something to do with the sudden separation from my girlfriend again. Having had such a good time over the weekend it must have hit me that I'm not going to see her again for at least another month. It's kind of like the trough after the massive peak. I hope I'm going to be able to recover from this current spell of depression. My fighting spirit has well and truly been extinguished and I'm finding myself floating around in the doldrums of despair.
I should be happy, I know that. I'm in Japan; the place I've wanted to be in for years. But things haven't turned out as I expected. Yamaguchi is not the image I had of Japan, and the fact that I'm now in a relationship but separated from her by hundreds of miles is killing me inside. Had I been single I don't think I would be having so many problems right now. But that's not to say that I wish we weren't together. I love my girlfriend (perhaps too much sometimes) and I wouldn't want to be without her. It's just that, at the moment, I can't help but look forward to next August when I'll be able to go back home. I'm constantly looking forward to the near future and wishing the days and weeks would pass quicker. It's only been just over a month since I've arrived so there's time for my feelings to change. But at the moment the future isn't looking too bright...
Posted byHocchan at 6:15 am
