Jitsu
10 July 2006
Heh, it's been a long time since I wrote an update where I talked about my honest feelings. I guess that's why I started this blog in the first place. For anyone who reads this and feels like listening for awhile, here is the truth.
July is a month of vast change in my life. Probably as big as the change that happened when my Mother passed away 2 years ago. Those years have been incredibly tough. Somehow I managed to get to where I am right now though I'm not entirely content with how my life is right now. Something had to change, and change it did. My Father has decided to re-marry so it means that from this Tuesday I will have a new Step-Mother, along with 2 younger Step-Brothers. It's not a bad thing per se, just a little surprising. I'm not sure how I'll get on with them. They could be a great addition to the family or it'll end up being hell for me in the near future.
This big event has prompted me to seriously look at how I can change my sorry excuse for an existance. I'm currently thousands of pounds in debt with no way of repaying them at the moment. Soon I shall run out of money to pay the credit card bills. This really scares me. Thing is, I know exactly what I need to do in order to solve this problem - get a job. However, for me that thought is almost as frightening as being in debt. I admit to having very little social skills. The very thought of asking someone for a job terrifies me. Somehow though, these past few days have given that little bit of confidence I need to go out and find employment. It's not much but I plan on going to a recruitment agency to see about getting some sort of temporary work. It's not the best result ever but it'll give me some work experience and, more importantly, I'll get some money to pay the bills with. I just have to take that leap of faith and actually go.
With the new members of the family coming to live with us the house is starting to get cramped. I've been moved out of my small bedroom and into a larger one to share with the 2 kids. I've never shared a room in my life so it will be an interesting experience. For this reason I now have an urgency to move out of home. Maybe not permanantly just yet but soon. I thought this would also be a good opportunity to apply once again for university. I could start my degree course AND move out into student accomadation. That's 2 birds with one stone. Of course, achieving this is easier said than done but I may aswell try. I've contacted my old school for a reference and they are happy to provide one. Now the only trouble is the timing of the application. July is when everything goes into the clearing system so I can't actually apply for a specific course anymore. I have to search for universities that still have vacant places available and try to get in one of those. This means that I may not get into the course I wanted. I do have a plan though. I was thinking of writing directly to the heads of department for the subjects I wanted to do and try to convince them to let me join. I may be lacking in qualifications but if I present myself well I may just have chance. The only other option is to wait a little while and get an early application for 2007 entry, though that's not very ideal as it'd mean staying at home for another year. I think I'll go with the first option and see how it goes.
Well, there you have it. These are the things that were concerning me. They were constanly in my mind all the time and it just made me quite depressed. Hopefully now that I've written them all down here I can have a little bit of peace. Might help me actually make an effort to sort these things out too. I'm going to do it... I'M GOING TO DO IT!!Posted byHocchan at 3:40 am
