Psychoanalytical
08 September 2010
It's time for another self-diagnosis psychiatry session. I tend to do these a lot when I want to find out exactly what's troubling me. I don't know if they actually help or not but it seems to be a helpful way of relieving the depression for a little while. I tend to think about things in my head constantly. I find it very hard to actually switch off and not think about anything. I'm always trying to go through itineraries for future events, or go over past events trying to find reasons for things or wondering what I could have done differently. Often it can lead to some rather frustrating thoughts. Plus it really doesn't help me get to sleep at night when my mind is constantly whirring away.
Anyway, time for the self-diagnosis. I've been trying to figure out why I get so unhappy when I see photos of my girlfriend in Japan on Facebook. From what I can figure out, it seems to be because by seeing these photos it reminds me everytime of the fact that, for a whole year or more, I'm not going to be able to share these moments with her. Mainly due to the distance between us and our schedules, but also because the stupid place that she's staying at has such dickish rules. When I see any pictures of her looking happy it dawns on me that I'm not there to see that or experience it with her. And that really kills me inside. It makes me jealous of all the people who are there to see all these moments, and it makes me depressed because I feel left out. I would say those are the reasons that I get so unhappy.
Unfortunately, I don't really see how I can solve this problem. I can't really change anything the situation. The only thing I can do is try to stop myself from having these negative thoughts and feelings. But that is no easy task. And my attempt at staying away from Facebook didn't last very long at all. I simply cannot stay away from there because, even though it makes me unhappy, I still want to see what's going on in her life. It's a horrible lose/lose predicament I find myself in. I just hope that I'll be able to resolve it soon and finally be at peace for the first time in weeks.
Posted byHocchan at 5:48 pm
