There Never Is Goodbye
27 February 2006
I'm going to write this now, while the emotions are still raw, before they fade away like the breath on a cold winter day. My friend Brooke decided to quit FFXI today. Well, I'm not sure it was decided today but this is when I found out. I received a message from her when I logged on this evening and I could tell from the few words in it that it was bad news. How bad I didn't realise until I logged on properly and read the linkshell message. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I was so shocked. I wish I had more time to deal with this. From hearing the news until the final /tell was a matter of a few hours. Time was too short, that's for sure.
I had grown complacent over the last few months. I had forgotten the pain of losing a friend from the game. Today had brought it all back, however, and hit me when I was least expecting it. I've always tried to explain the feelings and the reason for having them. The closest explanation I could come up with is thus: when you make a friend, you give them a piece of yourself. The closer the friend, the more you give away. So when they go, it's like they take a part of you with them. I don't mean it in a selfish way. Maybe a materialist representation can't describe what I feel. In any case, it's the same pain I've felt so many times in the past. Unfortunately the suffering does not get easier each time you experience it. If anything it gets worse. Everytime this happens I ask myself why I bother to make friends at all in the first place? You'll only end up getting hurt in the end, so why not just forget it all and lead your life alone? But then I remind myself that this hurt and sadness is worth paying for all the happy memories I have. All the great times we have had I shall cherish forever.
Posted byHocchan at 3:27 am
